I’ve been blocked since Harvey, really. I have many drafts saved, but none shared. I thought about re-reading them to see if I wanted to pick up on something left off, but I opted to not.
I’m coming off of a truly uplifting weekend, relishing the feelings and breakthroughs I experienced.
Undoubtedly the most important was what I experienced with my mom. We haven’t had the strongest relationship over the years. There was so much that occurred over my childhood that I held onto, and didn’t understand. I still don’t understand everything, but I know that she did always do the best she could do. But I held onto resentment for too long, and it kept me from really seeing our similarities and all of what makes her fun.
So, I’m sitting on my bed, when off in the living room I hear my mom singing, in a sweet sing-songy voice, a line from Rihanna’s “S&M”, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me.”
OMG. The walls that I built just started to crumble down.
If you know me, I sing constantly, and I especially love to sing the real dirty lines of a song in a sweet, sing-songy voice. Just.Like.My.Mother.
I am so much of who I am today because of her. And that is good. And that was the beginning of a truly enjoyable visit with her.
The second part of the weekend was going to go on a date with Aaron. Lord, it was our first one in what seems like an eternity. And it was like magic. I love him so much. And he loves me so much, and there’s never any question. I have butterflies right now just writing that out.
I’m just two months shy of 30, and it’s time for me to dig in and work harder on my spiritual health. It’s time, bro! (Please do not try to sell me on your church or belief system. Mine is my own.) Regular exercise helps tremendously, and I am actually about to do some Pop Pilates in my living room. (Come see me at Delta Life on Wednesdays at noon or 5pm to experience this class. We have a really good time! I promise.)
Off I go, to sweat out last night’s mimosas and connect with my body.
Happy New Year!